No one wakes up one day and says, “I have decided to be a heretic.” Some may ask, along with Glinda in Wicked: “Are people born [heretics] or do they have [heresy] thrust upon them?” As I have said in my previous post, the core of what drives people to heresy is the journey to find some sort of balance to the universe where all is well for all, then no one will be left out of the riches of what God has prepared. However what drives the heresy care is ones own self, not the unchanging truth of God.
What happened for me is that I saw within myself this blackness that I did not know how to handle. Having been a Christian for so long I found myself fighting that black tar sin with growing despair. The answer that my church gave me was to work harder, to take the weekly challenge from the sermon, strive toward perfection, and eventually become sinless, and thus embody Christ on earth. What resulted is a growing infection that obscured my sin from my own eyes, because this was the only way that I could reconcile what I heard from the pulpit and what I knew to be true about myself.